he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
