I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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