Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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