dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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