the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize