mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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