im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
