Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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