Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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