Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
