Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
