Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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