Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
