He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
