Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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