She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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