Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
