remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
