My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
