dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
