Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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