last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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