Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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