Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
