oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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