he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just had sex on a roof
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
