whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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