Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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