I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
