drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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