Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
