Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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