I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
