He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
