ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
