First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize