so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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