apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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