I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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