3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
