Plan B is the new Plan A
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
