she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
