I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
