Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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