I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
