she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
