she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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