i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
