Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
