I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
