First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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