So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
