I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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