I wannas sexs uuuuu
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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