I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
