My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
