can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
