she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
