he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
