Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
