The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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