Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
